Most people already know these rules. In fact, I am pretty sure I knew these rules. However, it doesnâ€™t hurt to make them explicit, preferably before you might consider violating the following rules. With no further ado:
1) While at the reception, just because there is unlimited draft beer doesnâ€™t mean you need to drink ALL of it
a. Especially if most other people arenâ€™t
b. Especially if you are flying out early the next morning (note: this sub-rule had been previously established but apparently needs to be reinforced)
c. Especially if you donâ€™t have a defined place to stay the night
2) While at the reception, you probably shouldnâ€™t hit on the groomâ€™s sister
a. Especially if you are staying at his (and therefore her) parents house
b. Especially if you are inebriated enough to not notice which particular words are coming out of your mough (again: I think this rule was previously existing, although not with the desired specificty)
3) While at the groomâ€™s parents house after the wedding, you really shouldnâ€™t say how you were trying to hit on said sister
a. Especially on your cell phone in front of the aforementioned parents
b. Especially once sheâ€™s home
c. Especially when she stumbles in drunk and is puking in the bathroom
So, there are three simple rules, and helpful sub-clauses, to make attending a wedding simple and easy. I think Wedding Crashers would have reminded me about these rules but I was too lazy to ever see it. All I know is it is 8am, I just got three hours of sleep after drinking at least three pitchers of beer, and Iâ€™m currently waiting for my head to explode at the airport.
Note: this will surely be edited once I get home and am at least somewhat recovered
I wrote this in the airport and Iâ€™ll keep it because itâ€™s almost funny. Here is a grainy digital photo of her back so that she remains safely anonymous on the internet. Since she’s in Minneapolis, I can safely have a giant crush on her without having to worry about running into her and trying to say something witty.
I talked to the groom this afternoon and I seem to have escaped without any permanent damage. Hopefully, the forty-five minutes I spent telling his parents how wonderful he is managed to cancel out the forty-five seconds of lewdness.