Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Friends With Movies

You have to be careful with friends.  There are friends that help you move, there are friends that help you move on, and there are friends that recommend movies to you.  There are movies you recommend to everyone, there are movies you recommend to people you don’t like, and there are movies that you never admit to having watched, even under extreme torture, like being forced to watch that very movie a second time.  In our wondrous new age of being in constant electronic contact with all of our friends all of the time, you must be even more suspect of other people’s tastes.  This suspicion could rightly be spread to all categories of everything except spouses, because she isn’t getting a divorce just because you don’t like him and never admitted your love for her, move on.

SIT. STAY. Think about the turd you left on the carpet.

A few months ago, I saw that a friend I usually trust on such matters had seen and enjoyed Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.  I had read his words on this movie because he had not written any at the time, he had merely clicked a button on a famous social media site and that button-clicking had been delivered to me through some strange algorithmic alchemy.  I remember my exact thought process upon receiving this information.  “Huh, Randall liked Dylan Dog: Dead of Night.  He is generally circumspect in matters of such import, and wouldn’t like a movie without good reason.  Furthermore, he is not such a huge fan of utter shit as I, and would not like something simply because it was godawful atrocious as I would.  That movie must be better than it looked in its half-hearted media campaign.”

The next evening when the Lovely Lady and I went to the local video rental establishment in the parking lot of a drugstore, I voiced my interest in Dylan Dog while we scrolled through the available selections.  My Lovely Lady agreed that Randall could be trusted with movie recommendations, and we rented the movie.  I will be concise in my review: Randall is on a one year Movie-Recommendation ban.  There are no redeeming facets to this movie.  If it had been made in the 80s, it might have a reason for the crappiness of the effects.  If it were written by an Tourettes Syndrome afflicted autistic child, then it might have a reason for the poorly written dialogue and lame plot.  If I had recently been the unfortunate victim of a terrible accident while putting on my glasses and the junction between the halves of my brain had been severed, I might have been able to forgive my friend for liking this movie.  Dylan Dog: Dead of Night sucked.  I don’t need to delve into all the great, and mediocre, successes that exist in the niche of Supernatural Private Detective subgenre.  Anyone who is inclined to read this site can, or should be able, to name five examples off the top of their clawed appendages.

The mere fact that Dylan Dog is a terrible movie is not why Randall received the year long ban.  It was the fact that he recommended it without comment.  I enjoy and own a number of movies that I will only permit certain people to watch, and only under special circumstances.  In ascending order of restriction three of these movies are: Evil Dead (I will never recommend these movies to my parents), C.H.U.D. (I will never recommend this movie to my brother), and, the crown jewel in the Throne of Ultimate Suck, Demon Wind (I will only recommend this movie to the most astute viewer who proves to me their enjoyment of the worst movies of all time).  Recommending movies is very much like finding presents for people.  There are guaranteed presents like Bond movies, or Spies Like Us, but those are easy movies to recommend.  Finding something that the recommendee will enjoy and always remember that you suggested requires a level of empathy and movie knowledge that goes beyond the box office.

I failed pretty spectacularly in giving my brother a copy of Dead Alive one year for Christmas.  He tried to watch it once, about a year after I gave it to him, and he hated it.  He hated it so much that he kept a smoldering coal of a grudge for several years.  I had described a scene or two, and he had reacted favorably.  I had made a classic mistake.  While Dead Alive has its place on many a shelf, the film does not belong on a shelf that almost exclusively holds Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.  I was trying to force a movie on a person who would never enjoy it.  I had forgotten, or perhaps ignored, in my zeal for this movie, that other people have tastes, justified or not, that do not always jive with mine.  Opinions, assholes, etc.

Our glorious new electronic existence has brought us closer to our friends in some respects, while also showing us just how wide the perceived gulf in opinion can be.  There is little context allowed on many social websites, or if there is, it can often be a hassle to include.  There are many reasons Randall may have selected the Like button.  Perhaps he has some app that allows him to build an online library of his owned movies in reality.  Perhaps he was pranking someone into watching that abysmal movie.  Perhaps he suffered a massive brain injury and genuinely liked that stinking turd.  I shall be more cautious in the future.  Considering the source of all recommendations as I already do, I will also be considering the context in which a film is recommended.  A simple one-click recommendation will not be enough without some corroborating words from the proponent.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Boy Who Cried ‘Zombie Apocalypse’

The AP has a hilariously short article:

COLLINSVILLE, Ill. (AP) — Hackers are messing with electronic road signs in some states, warning of zombies and raptors down the road. Traffic safety officials aren’t amused. The latest breach came during Tuesday morning’s rush hour near Collinsville, Ill., east of St. Louis. That’s where hackers changed a sign along southbound Interstate 255 to read, “DAILY LANE CLOSURES DUE TO ZOMBIES.”

Similar pranks have been pulled in recent days near Indianapolis and in Austin, Texas.

The Illinois Department of Transportation’s Joe Gasaway worries that such pranks distract drivers from legitimate hazards down the road, perhaps endangering road crews.

In Illinois, tampering with an official traffic control device is a misdemeanor punishable by up to a $250 fine.

What is the point of having fables if we don’t learn from them? Now when it really IS the zombie apocalypse or raptors are loose I’ll think it’s just a joke.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I found my blog keys

They had gotten lost in one of those pesky tubes. Sorry about that…

I will try and think of something worthwhile to tell you but I first wanted to reassure Chuckles and dEn that the FBI hasn’t forgotten about their pet issue…
FBI zombies smaller

Thursday, March 8, 2007

That Heidegger Post I Said I Was Going To Write

Martin Heidegger states this idea nicely: “Profound boredom, drifting here and there in the abysses of our existence like a muffling fog, removes all things and men and oneself along with it into a remarkable indifference. This boredom reveals being as a whole.”

Wikipedia is not an acceptable primary source. Yes, this means that I am still gathering information. I did some work and have since realized that I need to read a few books before I can accurately comment on Martin Heidegger’s complex political situation, even the brief version that was given to me as an introduction to Heidegger’s existentialism.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007


In addition to certain unnamed projects to which I will only refer cryptically, I am eagerly looking forward to any news about the film production of World War Z. The book was amazing and awesome and so many other words and now that I have heard that the script is being written by Mr. Babylon 5, J. Michael Straczynski, I am in full on pants-checking anticipatory mode.

The Zombie Survival Guide was really damn neat and thoroughly consistent in ways that I enjoy when reading books or watching movies. World War Z kept that consistency and tossed in a heaping helping of emotion and tension. It was sweeter than a pile of ponies ridden by baby pandas, but if sweet meant super rad and not like the kind of sweet that seems to have infected 3 Bulls of late.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Are YOU Prepared?

In the 30 years there have been a number of documentaries detailing the potential outcomes of the Zombie Apocolypse.

It seems that those warnings have gone unheeded.

Seriously, with all of the science we have now and the recent experience with Katrina, you would think that we would be more prepared for these kind of situations. Our state, local, and national governments seem to have other “more pressing” concerns though.

I don’t really know what else we can do besides ensuring that as individuals we are are prepared. Visit the National Center for Reanimation Prevention and Control (NCRPC) to learn the ins and outs of Zombie hordes. Also, to check Zombie alert status and to get important tips for surviving in the Zombie Apocolypse make sure to visit The Combat Guide.

You can’t expect the government to do all of this for you. It’s up to each one of us to be prepared for the zombie menace. Don’t be caught unaware!